Frowns

The grim sound of the thunder this afternoon was like a grumbling stomach about to puke out. It was horrible. It seemed that the sky were only meters above you and in no time, would eat and engulf you. The whole thing was different, or maybe I just thought so since it was one of those rare times that I commute outside on the onset of a thunderstorm. But I was sure it was different though, the people’s reactions inside the jeepney, I could compare to a fear of the apocalypse.

My hair was like burning in flames when I was walking along the Ylanan Road in UP Diliman this morning with the intense heat. People were afraid of even coming out and facing the sun. Thanks to my umbrella. In the late afternoon, just like what happened yesterday, clumps of rain would unexpectedly pour down. It was though the sky is so sick.

***

These past few days  I feel that I might be suffering from schizophrenia. I googled the signs of it and found out that most of them are within me. They say schizophrenia is normal when it attacks you before you get nineteen, part of teenage to adulthood adjustment. I am about to turn seventeen and I hope that this would only be the case.

Temperatures changing, climate changing, I don’t know if either of these is related to people’s mood changing nowadays. I feel to different and I can’t explain it. Most are afraid to be alone, afraid to be on their own. In a conversation, people would try to be into it no matter what the consequences are, no matter what those who came first in the chit-chat would think of that person who inappropriately butted in.

In a circle of friends, it would be inevitable to see someone getting out of place so he picks up his cellphone (on awkward situations like this) and send a text message to friend. At some times, he pretends by just re-reading past messages to show he is texting, or call a ‘pseudo-friend’ pretentiously to say ‘I’m still part of the flow’. No one wants to be in a dull dead air. For no one calls a real friend urging him to talk to you because nobody is talking to him right there at his spot.

In some points, it’s hard to manage communication in college, a stage too near to the reality. In preschool, elementary, and high school, there is always a presence of the four-cornered classroom, the responsible teacher, and the list of homeworks and tasks to begin avenues of conversation. Now it is difficult. Beginning a conversation with people you don’t deeply know yet would bring you to the most undesirable situation that could later ruin your whole day. But of course, you will try hard to so as not to be tagged as snubbish.

No matter how enthusiastic you are to tell stories, there are second thoughts what other people might think of you and your stories, especially if those people were the ones who ardently tell stories before while you listen.

It’s so hard.

***

Tonight’s episode of Pinoy Big Brother Teen  Clash of 2010 is so far the best of all they have aired. First, because I could relate well to their task because I have been exactly at the same situation will all those psychological torments. Second, I liked the way they used Joker’s acts on the Batman Movie: The Dark Knight involving two ships deciding whether to kill the other one or kill themselves by pressing a button.

Jenny, one of the bankable housemates of this batch, has been my sister’s schoolmate in Diliman Preparatory School and my sister tells me she’s a model student, always alert, mindful, and a likeable person. She has a good personality and so you could imagine how hurt I was when ‘Kuya’ decided to pursue the forced eviction to her. The way she talks and the way she expresses herself is very ‘not Filipino’ in the sense that she’s so sincere, honest, and humble. No pride hidden (or whatsoever) at all.

I pitied her when she said that she accepts the decision since she had it all to God’s decision. I knew how hard she worked for her, for the housemates, and for the show. And she’ll be kicked out forcibly because of just a single misdeed.

I cannot say more but to say I liked her after tonight’s episode. I wanna meet her someday, and my sister will have to do the negotiation.

***

Ever sincere,

Diary

(It’s feels terribly good when I write posts like this. It’s my first time.)

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