This weekend, I have proven myself what real depression feels like. I think I am currently suffering from it. When you lose something you love and fail yourself for not doing something the way you expected it to happen, you suffer from unexplainable sadness.
Last Friday was probably the darkest day, the most unfortunate day, of my sophomore year. Few days and the semester will end – I hate to end it so badly.University pressures. Academic stress. You got it.
I remember my broadcast journalism coverage telling me my scoop was the scoop of the class, well not entirely, another in our class also got EDSA 25 as her coverage. In the field, I was able to catch Bam Aquino, Jim Paredes, shots of Fidel Ramos, and a soundbyte of Joseph Estrada. I was just one step to finishing the story – that last step is an interview with someone like Randy David.
The only available schedule he had was last Thursday at 1:00 p.m. but in some unexpected circumstance, he declined the interview. So I had to find another one. Good thing Prof. Luis Teodoro who was imprisoned during the interview, dropped by the college (though he did not conduct classes that day) and was modest to accept my request.
I went home early and started editing the video with Sony Vegas Pro (it’s the first time I am to use to software) but it kept on hanging and lagging in the middle of editing that I had to close the unresponsive window and start all over again. I did it five times and finished at 4:00 the morning of Friday.
I only had 10 hours before the deadline. I started rendering and while it did, I slept. I woke up at 9 a.m. (unable to attend my 8:30-10:00 a.m. class) only to find the rendering was still at 0%. It was my worst nightmare.
Four hours before the deadline, I panicked, downloading another editing software, I could bear it even if it was in trial version. This was the moment I started to hate SONY VEGAS. Why did I buy it in the first place?!
I started editing all over again, the sixth time, at 11:30 a.m. I had it rendered at 12:30 p.m. while I was taking a shower. I haven’t eaten my breakfast then.
It rendered successfully but when I was trying to transfer it to a 700 MB DVD-RW, I found out the file to be at 6.2 GB. It was just a 2-minute video, not a movie.
I started to lose hope. I got only 10 minutes. I was thinking of being late but there is no way to transfer the file from the desktop to my laptop since we do not have a flash drive that could carry such a large file. I had to compress it (waiting for an hour) and have finally transferred it to my laptop.
It was not playing on my laptop.
I decided to just leave, buy an 8GB CD, go back home and pass it. But I’m afraid I was too late.
It’s that feeling of emptiness. And yes, I’m blaming it on the file. Why does it have to be that large?
I did a lot of effort, swam through the people in EDSA, found a way to interview personalities (some interviews, I even got it exclusive), and just finished editing BEFORE the deadline.
I felt washed away, and now I’m earnestly wishing my professor would still accept it. Not for the grade (I could bear the consequences). But for the massive effort and devotion I have put on the story.