23rd of August in the hospital ward

This is actually a diary entry written the night of August 23 while I was in the hospital confined for having depression with brief psychotic disorder. All of what you are about to read is a key into my mind.

***

It’s hard for me to remember things for such a long term for now. It’s like saying and telling someone to give importance to what is happening in the present. I couldn’t wait to get out and experience the world outside. The world outside has changed.

From the window of the De Los Santos-STI Medical Center ward, I could see the world someone created. A three-tower building was standing kilometers across the hospital. Low on the ground were slums. It escalated to buildings as eyes went further. I could vividly remember our Hong Kong trip with the row of skyscrapers like horizons covered with fog.

A black entity covered half of the window so I couldn’t see what lies on the other half.

A Church of Christ chapel was standing above the others on the right side of my view. I was like a prince locked up in a tower getting a good picture of the world, as if I was presented with food options I had to choose which to eat at that moment.

I would always want to get to the side of the buildings. I shall fight for my freedom.

Nurses were weird. I haven’t even known why I was brought in the hospital but I believe it was for the better. There was this nurse, a guy, who wore eyeglasses with an average height, who talked to me like a friend. But sometimes, nurses entered with companion who did nothing but to just stand as company.

I remember Dr. Salazar, the attending physician. Whenever she talked to me, she couldn’t help but to bend her head aside. But I love her.

I couldn’t wait for the day I am out of the ward and work, do what I love, talk to people, and study. There might have been a missing link but who cares finding it. I wanted to enjoy life to the fullest.

I wanted to go back to my school, UP Diliman, and from there start again. I thought my dad wanted to me to do distance learning which I totally did not agree upon.

I have an anxiety disorder, yes. I feel so confused when waking up. But it’s alright. I know I’m well.

Good night!

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